Denial.....

Ever been in denial?

Like the I'm-not-a-peanut-M&M-addict as you shove more peanut M&Ms in your mouth? Not that I've EVER done that. ever.

Or the my-heart-is-in-perfect-shape kind of denial as you run 2 miles and feel your blood pressure pounding in your ears? been there.

Okay. So I'm in denial. Winter denial. (side note: Is it still denial if you are perfectly aware that you are in denial? Denial seems to imply not knowing. When you know, do you just become.....um...Not-So-Smart? I try to avoid calling myself dumb, stupid, and other such names.)

I know many of you share the same feelings. Not that I'm not-so-smart feelings, but feelings of being in winter denial.

So here's what my denial has led to lately:

• I've refused to wear my coat a few times: results in FREEZING my buns off. And yet I've done it multiple times hoping for a different result each time. Hoping that today's 31 degrees will somehow be so much warmer than yesterdays 30 degrees. But no. Same result. Freezing. buns. OFF.
• I've been going through the kids summer clothes/shoes inventory. Counting how many outfits each kid has and imagining them wearing them. Fun, yet probably a little early.
• Taylee begged and begged and begged to wear her flip flops. I consented. But she had to wear them with socks. She ate it right outside our apartment building. Flat. on. her. face. Oops.
• Exercise capris outside at 5:30 a.m.= freakishly numb and red ankles. beware: may result in cankles
• I took Taylee running with me in the running stroller (hey, it was 42 degrees!) Her poor hands. Numb. she was dressed appropriately. but still. it was forty-stinkin-two degrees. genius mom.

I probably will continue to be in denial until the snows goes away.

I will continue to be in denial when it rains for at least 2 months straight.

And then, denial no more. I'll be basking in the sun. Yes. That's right. Basking.

Why, WHY, wHy!?!

• Do I just assume everyone in Massachusetts is heterosexual? WHY? It's MASSACHUSSETTS! Foot. In. Mouth. Sorry A. We may have different beliefs, but that doesn't excuse my idiotness.
• Do I feel dumb saying that I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? wHy!? Maybe because it's so llloooonnnnngg? Maybe because my neighbor is confused why we all think we're Saints? "Everyone's a Saint? Eh?" Or maybe because a certain primary song plays in my head while I say it making me want to break out and sing? Either way, I need to get over it. Get over it.
• Do I think a 3 1/2 year old should do everything I say, right when I say it? And understand patience. And understand how to hurry. WhY? Seriously.
• Did I just commit to run the most asinine road race EVER. No, no. It's not a marathon. It's worse. (I think I just used the word asinine for the first time. That gives you a glimpse of how asinine it will be.) Stay tuned. May 2010.
• Do I get blog inspiration often during my nightly prayer? WHY? Why? Sorry man upstairs.

Prayer

wI believe in prayer. I often get annoyed and frustrated that a lot of the Christian world has forgotten prayer. Prayer today consists mostly of reading written text, or saying redundant phrases. What happened to sincere, daily conversations with God?

The husband and I practice nightly prayers, conversations if you will, with our Father in Heaven. We pray together and then individually. Our companion prayer we vocalize, while our individual prayer we keep internalized. My personal prayer last night went something like this,

"Dear Father in Heaven: Thank You for this day and for all my amazing blessings. "

(Thoughts wandering: we are so lucky to able to do so many fun things lately. Like planning our camping trip with friends. How is that going to work? Should I bring the bouncy chair for Porter? I wonder if I'll need the pack-n-play? I probably won't sleep at all because I'll be worried about the kids being cold. I bet Taylee will have a ball though. She loves being with her friends and playing outside. We should probably take the bikes. Then we can get some exercise too. Oh exercise....I really want to run a half-marathon still. I need to at least start running again. Maybe I can run 5 miles next Saturday. Oh crap! I forgot I was praying.) "Please forgive me Father in Heaven. I have so much on my mind. Please help me to be a good mother. Bless me with patience and love. (I love going home to see family. I can't wait to go home next week. We are going to have an awesome time at the condos and on the lake. And the kids will love to see all their grandparents. I bet everyone will get a hoot out of Taylee)

The husband rustles the blankets as he settles down for the night, finishes his prayer, and plumps his pillow.

"Thank You for all of my blessings. Bless me to sleep good tonight. Amen."

Case in point: What DID happen to sincere and heartfelt conversations with God?? At least I got 3 good....oh now wait, 4 good sentences in that prayer. Guess I should start with myself instead of worrying about the whole freakin' world.